Fishnets, Rink Burn, and Attitude: The Hudson Valley Horrors
by Molly Jones

Naughtia Knives, Candy Skull Cracker, Rxy Ramalotte, Crash Corpse. These are just a few of the women I met up with one cold February evening at the Hyde Park Roller Magic to talk about the rough and tumble game that is one of the fastest growing sports in America: roller derby. Rxy, Naughtia, Candy, and Crash, along with many others, have checked their real names at the door and are putting themselves through a hard-core, punk rock tinged workout that leaves you out of breath just watching. Meet the Hudson Valley Horrors, our very own local roller derby league.

What a minute. Roller derby? Isn’t that where tough women vie with kicks and punches to try and beat each other up, all while rolling on wheels at high speeds on a crazy banked rink? Actually, that was your mother’s roller derby.

Today’s roller derby is quite a bit different from the not–too–distant past incarnation, though many of the less savory elements of the former have been turned into campy fun for the newer devotees, such as the use of fear–inspiring alter ego names and the mock–gruesome posturing. But don’t mistake the camp and fun with lack of substance. These ladies are here to rumble, in a highly intense, but sportswoman–like way.

As Puffy Bangs explains, “What you saw in the ‘70s was what I call the WWF (World Wrestling Federation) of roller derby. It was entertaining, but not very empowering to women. The new wave of roller derby is really pushing the athleticism of these women and the sport. What you see now, yes, it can be campy and it can be fun, but what it boils down to is sport. What we are trying to do is come together across the nation to show people that this is an extremely competitive, extremely vibrant sport.”

Extremely vibrant is correct. Since its rebirth in Austin, Texas in 2001, roller derby has exploded across the country. With over 200 leagues now active across the United States, and more starting up internationally, roller derby has become a revolution—a grass–roots, female–led revolution. The leagues are owned by the members, and the members are overwhelmingly female. Yes, there are a few male teams, but they follow the rules of the WFTDA, the Women’s Flat Track Derby Alliance.

The track has also changed from the past incarnation. Leagues in the WFTDA now compete on a flat surface, instead of the old banked track with a rail, which makes playing the game accessible to just about anyone. Though most play in local rinks, any flat surface would suffice, as long as the playing area is marked out according to the rules. Many say that the flat track is more exciting, with the fans right on the edge of the rink. Crash Corpse explains, “Some folks sit right on the sidelines, at their own risk. Some people seem to want to be right in there, and they are hoping that a girl will collide with them, but it hasn’t happened.”

The Horrors range in age from 18 to mid–40’s and vary in body type and size. After watching only half of their three–hour practice, I can safely say that ALL are in incredibly great shape. One could make an excusable assumption that only a very skilled skater/athlete would be able to join in the fun. As it turns out, many had not skated in over 20 years when they joined up, and more than a few came in with little or no skating skills at all. The Horrors will put you through your paces in no time, and a newbie, or “fresh meat” as they like to call them, can take a skills test after three months to see if she is ready to join in the game. But don’t doubt this—roller derby is a full contact sport, and as such there are risks.

Dawg Catcher explains, “You do get a lot of killer bruises. But you have to wear all the padding and you practice falling. Everyone kind of protects the parts of their body that they feel are most vulnerable. I never fall with my hands on the ground because as a vet, my hands are the most important part of my work. You learn how to fend for yourself.”

So what compels a veterinarian, a banker, a business entrepreneur, and a student to risk those killer bruises, or worse? As Rough Gem tells it, her first bout “was the biggest adrenaline rush of my life.” Everyone talks about the athleticism it requires. Naughtia Knives says that the sport is “empowering.” When asked if her friends and family question her roller derby activities, Dawg Catcher answered, “People love it. People get a big kick out of it. You know, it’s a real sport, and once I explain to them the purpose of the sport, they gain a whole new attitude about it. Everyone knows the campy part of it, and that’s everyone’s first impression: ‘Oh, my gosh, you wear fishnet stockings and everything, and that’s fun.’ But when they hear about the real athletic part of it, they gain a whole new appreciation of it. Everyone wants to come and see it for the fun part of it, then I think after they’ve seen it, they have a new respect for it.” Candy Skull Cracker’s family and friends had a different initial reaction to her joining the league, “[laughing] It was universal. It was like, ‘You’re WHAT?’” However, she knew when she saw her first flat track derby game in Atlanta that she was in. “I didn’t even know that roller derby was back. I saw it and I loved it: the athleticism, the sportsmanship, chicks falling down. I just thought it was great.”

I can certainly appreciate the newfound respect that many find when watching this new generation of roller derby women. I too remember watching roller derby on television in the ‘70s. My first thought when I learned of the Horrors and the roller derby explosion was that it was a campy return to the previous era. I asked the Horrors if they face some of those outdated expectations from their fans. Crash Corpse nods, but explains, “they’re not disappointed because they enjoy the sport of it. I think at first they are expecting it to be that, but then see that it is this. But we’re still making contact, we’re still hitting.” Kari KreamHer adds, “most people I talk to have that idea in their mind and I say, ‘it’s a little different than that, but kind of the same idea. It’s more of a sport, more serious now. More athletic now.’ But they still love it.”

2008 will be the Horrors second playing season, and they have games scheduled from May until October. They also appear regularly at “Meet and Greets” around the area. They have a website and a Myspace page for their fans to keep up with them and as a recruitment tool. Yes, the Horrors want you! With slightly less than 30 players, they are looking for more women to come over to the intense, empowering, competitive, campy, “rescue me from my boring life” world of roller derby. With more players, the league hopes to divide into teams and get more more playing time.

The Horrors are very dedicated and everyone seems to be having a lot of fun. They also enjoy the fans that come out to cheer them on and promise that an exciting time will be had by all. Their first game is at the Hyde Park Rolling Magic on May 31st. You can keep track of the Horrors at www.horrorsrollerderby.com and at www.myspace.com/hvrollerderby. For anyone interested in the beginnings of the current flat track roller derby craze, look for a new documentary, Hell on Wheels, currently making the rounds on the film festival circuit. You can learn more about the new flat track derby alliance and rules of the game at www.wftda.com. I’ll see you rink-side at the Horrors first game in May.